When people know you are grieving they wish you things like peace and comfort. But, see I never knew what to say to someone that was grieving because those words sounded hollow to me. Now that I’m in this thing called grief, those platitudes are nice, but man, they are difficult to listen to or read. The people offering those nice words are doing so for many reasons, some noble, therefore my irritation is really not with them. They aren’t why I struggle with words like peace, understanding, comfort.
See I’m a thinker so when someone says to me “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” I think WHAT THE HELL IS COMFORT IN GRIEF? Forgive me for yelling but it’s really what I’m thinking when I hear that.
What is comfort, when your mind can’t grasp the loss? What is comfort when your only “free” thoughts are mired in the mud of grief? What is comfort when the places, ideals, thoughts, and beliefs that used to bring meaning to words like comfort only seem to remind you of your loss? What is comfort when you could care less about your own suffering but you are overwhelmed by those you love suffering the loss with you. What is comfort, knowing those loved ones are suffering with you and there is, so sorry, not a D-A-M-N thing you can do about it? What in the HELL IS COMFORT at this time, in these moments? What does comfort look like when you can’t turn your brain off, logic no longer makes sense, and quieting your thoughts means wasting your time watching “Grey’s Anatomy” for the 5th time…starting from season 1.
AHHHHHH, what is comfort in grief?
Here is what I know, I know, that I don’t know much. Here is what I know, I know that having expectations in grief might not be ideal. Here is what I know, I know comfort can come from places you least expected. Here is what I know, I know this comfort, will last for moment(s), but most likely not forever. Here is what I know, I know that comfort will NOT alleviate the ache of grief but will lessen then intensity.
Sadly, what I know is the ultimate comfort, that one you REALLY want, the one that undoes this horrendous, insidious, consuming, life altering, agony is the one you can’t have, just to steal a few moments with the one you lost, the chance to say goodbye, and the opportunity to try & prepare for what is to come.
What is comfort in grief? Comfort in grief, during my experience, are these micro moments, flash occurrences that somehow speak to you in a way that encourages you to take just one more step in this journey called life.
Comfort…is that you?